meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
