your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
