I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
