you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
