Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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