smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
