In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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