I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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