There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
