so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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