I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
