thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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