Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
