You're earring is so big in my mouth
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
