I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
