so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
