I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
