the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
