I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
