I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
