The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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