Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
