i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
