Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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