I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Randomize
