i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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