At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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