dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
