and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
