in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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