Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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