I showed him my bush... on skype.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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