I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
