i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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