Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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