I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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