the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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