It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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