All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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