HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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