You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
