My vagina just recognized that song.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
