im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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