.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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