why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
