I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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