i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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