You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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