im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
