i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
