you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
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