I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
FUCK WHALES
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
