OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
